Not Feeling So Positive Lately

Been a long time since i have posted anything on my blog as i have been having a tough time lately but i thought today would be a good day to update as i am currently in bed with my hot water bottle as i have been in agony since wednesday.
I have a few things that i want to talk about actually so forgive me if this post is a bit long :) the first thing is-
Skin-




My terrible skin

After having the Laparoscopy done in august i noticed that my skin was breaking out really bad and was very sore so i decided to go to the doctor because i wasn't sure what was causing it to break out as i hadn't changed my foundation or anything. After talking to the doctor she said the cause was probably due to stress and she perscribed me some cream. The cream she perscribed is called Duac once daily gel.


Duac once daily gel



Pain, blood loss and bloating-

 

Lately i just seem to be in constant pain and the pain seems to be more intense so while i was at the doctor about my face i also said to her about the pain and blood loss so she perscribed me some tablets called Tranexamic acid can't really say if they are working yet as i have only been taking them for a couple of days. Also i mentioned my stomach as it is constantly swollen and i look about six months pregnat she said this is caused by the endometriosis and she also said that i could also have irrital bowel syndrome.
Messed up cycles-

Normally my period is  every 28-29 days but last month when i tracked my cycle it was 33 days and this month i am on day 34 and still no period, but since wednesday i have been in agony and it feels like i am having a period without the blood :( so as you can imagine i am feeling really fed up as i don't have a clue what is going on with my body.
Upset, angry, Jealous-

It's hard not to feel all of these emotions when you are going through something like this  and dealing with all the symptoms that Endometriosis brings- fatigue, pain, bowel problems, constantly feeling run down the list goes on anyway back to the emotional side of things. Everyday is like a nightmare for me there is not a day that goes by that i don't think about having a baby and beating myself up about it, I just feel like a failure and that my body is useless because it can't even make a baby. I'm always thinking that i should have made the doctors listen more or maybe i should have tried for a baby sooner.
Also lately i have been feeling really angry at the world that women who just seem to pop children out one after the other and they don't  even care for these children, then you get people aborting babies one after the other i see it all the time in magazines and on television. I'm not saying i don't agree with abortions in certain circumstances. I mean when people don't care if they use precaution or not and don't think about the consequences. At times i do get jealous when yet another person on facebook announces they are pregnant i want to be happy for them but i am not going to lie it is hard to be happy for them.
Anyway enough of my ranting i just wanted to say one last thing  i am not writing this blog because i want sympathy and for people to feel sorry for me i am doing this because i want to share my journey with people who are in a similar situation to me.

Thank you for reading this post on our journey
love Kirsty xx